in memoriam.

The 24th of August, 2008, was a day the earth stood still. And I don't know that it will ever go back to spinning on the same axis ever again.

I imagine that the day each person heard the news was not unlike the day Kennedy was shot. You remember exactly where you were. You remember exactly what you were doing. You remember exactly how you felt.

People say that cancer doesn't discriminate. Good people, bad people, older or younger. If ever there were a case for that argument, this was it.

Matthew McSheffrey.
The class goof.
The one who'd do anything, anytime to get a laugh out of us.
The small, warm center you couldn't help but gravitate towards.
The most spirited kid in the world discovered that, at the age of 20, he had leukemia.

Living in Calgary at the time, the native of my hometown decided that, after a few days of being sick, he needed to see a doctor. Marilyn told me that after she arrived at the hospital in Calgary at 2:00am, from the earliest flight she could get from Ottawa, the doctors and nurses had nothing but praise for Matt and how stouthearted and polite he'd been. She said they had already had a bed set up for her, and that Matt was asleep when she arrived. If there was anything that showed what kind of person Matt was, it was showcased perfectly in the first words he said when he woke up to his mother:

"I'm hungry."

Marilyn told me that the 8 months he was sick were the best 8 months she'd ever had with Matt and her other two sons, Steven and Daniel. She said that Matt never faltered in staying strong, that he saw through every day with a smile and with seemingly impossible positivity (and brownie bites, of course), straight through to the end. And on April 27th, 2009, the world said a reluctant and painful goodbye to a friend, a nephew, a grandson, and brother, a son.

But if anyone really knew Matt, they'd know that he'd want us to look back not in sadness for our loss, but in celebration for the time we were given with him. And though it was cut short, these memories are the gifts he left us with, and we should cherish these memories forever.

We're left with the memories of his contagious smile, his infectious laugh, his endless antics from public school up until high school (licking poles in the dead of winter; running tape across the road; eating whatever we dared him to eat; egging houses; chipping his brand new tooth the day he got it, and then walking around like Lloyd Christmas for god only knows how long.) The life of the party. The cause of the laughter. And though his physical self is no longer walking among us, his heart and soul will never leave us. He will never be forgotten.

Rest in peace, Matthew "McDick" McSheffrey.

We will love and miss you always.

p.s. Make those Habs take the cup for us this year, will ya?

I'll close this blog with a beautiful poem written by Matty's mother.


And We Remember Still

On angels wings you left us
A year ago today,
You sang your song
You ran your race
You had no fear,
you ran on faith.
You left us with such grace.
and we remember still

What we would do
To have you back
And hold you once again.
But every day we see your face;
And in our hearts you sing.
You ran your race with pride and grace
and we remember still

We held you in our loving arms
You hold on us your wings.
Your soaring with the eagles now
Your in his arms again.

The final race it was so rough
a tear you wouldn’t cry
You didn’t want your mom to hurt
The day you said good bye.

In McSheff style you went outside
To rest out in the sun,
your smile it shone., and in God’s grace,
You said the time had come.
and we remember still

No words can take the hurt away
Nor drinks would kill the pain;
The only thing we know for sure
Is that He called your name.

We miss you more than life itself
And we don’t understand.
But as you wished we do out best
show up and smile again.
and we remember still

You touched the lives of many
You built our strength within.
You taught us not to run and hide,
but smile and worry nil.

You chased your dreams with courage,
were kind to all your kin;
You lived your life with love and hope
And gratitude within.
and we remember still

Your smiles will never leave us
Your crazy antics win;
We loved you from beginning
until that bitter end.

You were the finest brother
the friend beside all friends;
The son who left too early,
a whisper in the wind.
and we remember still

And so we’re left with memories
Of hockey - sleepless nights;
From Calgary to quarry times
And parties till the end.

Your clubs they by the front door sit
can’t bear to let them go.
We wait with hope and heavy hearts
The rain in time will slow.

We know you’re up there somewhere
in time we’ll have our fun;
We’ll see you on the other side
And play a round my son.
and we remember still

We go to see you often
On the other side of town;
We know your’re not there really
Where your brothers laid you’d down.

Some days we’re not quite ready
To say good bye old friend
and So we leave you and in time’
and we remember still

The days are passing sooner now
the nights they aren’t so long;
The tears don’t flow so quickly
Your smiles to carry on
Your in our hearts forever
You’ll always be our song.

It’s been a year since you’ve been gone
And we last saw your face;
But every night we close our eyes
and feel your peace and grace.
and we remember still

The cards were dealt, we didn’t win
It’s not ours to question why.
We’ve learnt through time
We won’t forget Your laugh and silly grin.

You’re living deep with in us
Where the eagles soar on high,
We’ll do our best to fly with you
Until we meet again;
We’ll see you on the other side;
Good night sweet boy, our friend.
and we remember still

Always remembered, always loved.
I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always,
I’ll carry you with me, wherever you be,
As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.
Love you this much and more
Love U, Love Me

Ottawa gets it UNdone.

Who would have EVER thought I'd be mingling with marketing and communications people? What's worse... I actually loved being in their presence. What's wrong with me?!

But let's be serious here for a moment. The Untweetup: awesome. Drinks were flowing; connections were basically materializing out of thin air; and there was laughter aplenty. Going in, I hadn't a clue what to expect or how it would turn out, and to be perfectly honest, I was little nervous about it. And walking in the door to Foundation at the exact same time as Scott Stratten, Mr. Man-of-the-Hour in the flesh, was a minor coronary in itself (or SQUEEEE!!-inducing, he might say). But I was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly everything moved along.

I walked in and immediately recognized some familiar Ottawa tweeps. And it wasn't long before I was being introduced to a couple of new ones, too. Among them were Matt Cameron (@MattKCameron) and Kyle McInnes (@KyleMcInnes).

I don't think it's really possible to properly represent just how ridiculously hilarious these two were. A couple of fast-talking, quick-witted, and clever tech bloggers--characteristics so lethal that, combined in the right quantities, the result is likely to be similar to napalm. I don't think I've laughed harder at nerdier things in my entire life, ever. From their idea of creating a completely new computer platform called, quite simply, "Awesome Shit" (no usernames, no passwords, just all awesome); to @TweetNotes, a ColesNotes type Twitter account dedicated to simplifying literary classics in 140 characters or less (Dorian meets Sibyl. Sibyl falls in love. Shallow Dorian loses interest. Dorian indulges in debauchery. Regret. Futile confession. Suicide.) If any of you noticed Scott's OH tweet about "six pounds of ketchup in the colon," Yeah. That was Matt Cameron. Also... Did you know that there is approximate $0.25 worth of gold in Goldschlagger? It's true.

When I finally got to meet Scott, I thought my knees might give out. You know, he's much taller than I imagined. And highly entertaining. He walked over to the small group I'd been hanging around the whole night, wondering what all the fuss about the "back of the bar" was. He told us all about his fun with airport security, in a manner not unlike a stand-up comedian. I asked him if there'd be any karaoke on the menu for the night because rumour had it that he could command an audience with a mean rendition of Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer." He told me about his timely breakup with the Toronto Maple Leafs, and said that I should probably do the same. Although I don't think I'd get any phone calls from Leafs head honchos with free invites to games.

Another highlight of the night was meeting David Hicks (@ALL_CAPS). What an agent. He complimented my "fembot" nail polish and offered me a slice of sound parenting advice, all in the same breath. After talking to him, I tweeted that I'd discovered David Hicks was actually human, quelle surprise. And then someone replied to me, "Don't be fooled by the fleshy exterior. #terminator."
Must investigate further.

So, all in all, the night was pretty prolific. I came home with a pocket full of business cards, a few new followers, and an entirely new and fond respect for Ottawa, the city and the tweeps who inhabit it. AND I managed to avoid any contact with the iPad that was floating around the room the whole time. A pretty impressive feat, if I do say so myself.

A million enormous thank-yous go to GenYOTT and Scott Stratten for organizing this event. I think I speak for all of us when I say that I can hardly wait for the UnBook tour this fall. Hopefully the weather will be a little more generous to Mr. Stratten the next time around.

Oh right, and one more thing:

The unturban was golden.

an ode to Carmen

You know those moments, those rare little slices of life that you hear or read about, random acts of kindness between strangers, that you just can't help but smile about? I guess yesterday was my day.

I was at a department store in search of the perfect boyfriend blazer. I had the style, the colour, the texture of the material pictured exactly in my mind, and I wasn't going to leave until I found it. It wasn't long before I spotted the sleeve of my would-be dream blazer sticking out between two ungodly leather jackets. Kind of like it was waving me over.

I heeded the beckoning of the inanimate object. I reached out, grasped the peeking sleeve lightly, and when I felt the silk-like texture of the material, I knew I'd found it. I reefed the two unsightly jackets it was sandwiched between away from it, and there it was. In all of it's glory. All of it's... $110.00 glory.

You know that little tune you hear when Mario dies? Yeah. Cue that music right about now.

Damn it.

There's no way I'm forking out that kind of cash for a blazer. It's not that special...
Okay, it was, but I'm not exactly swimming in excess cash here. So, with a sigh of reluctance and bitter defeat, I put the jacket back. It just wasn't meant to be for me and you, Beautiful Boyfriend Blazer. There's gotta be another one here somewhere. I walked away.

It must have been about ten or fifteen minutes later when I felt a little tap on my shoulder, followed by a pretty little french accented voice:

"You have impeccable taste, young lady."

Before I looked at her, I looked at what I had in draped over my arm: a plaid button-up and two white t-shirts. Uhh? She's not talking to me, is she? And I looked at her, and at what she had draped over her arm. THAT BITCH. She had my jacket. And by the looks of her, she could afford it. Okay, lady. Rub it in. It's fine.

"I saw you looking at this jacket a few minutes ago, and I just thought it was beautiful. I tried it on, but it's too small for me. You need to buy this."

"Oh.. uh, yeah.. I wanted to, but I really can't afford it.."

She looked at me like I was being silly or joking or something. "What do you mean? If you love it--and I know you do--just buy it. I watched you when you were looking at it. It's worth it, isn't it?"

Okay, lady. Do you work here or something? Why are you trying to get me to buy this? I don't get it.

"Don't be silly. Let me see it on you. Here."

I think in a normal situation, I would have been weirded out to the max by this. But there was just something about her, something that was warm and welcoming, motherly, even. So I put my stuff down, shimmied in the jacket, and walked over to the mirror with her. OBVIOUSLY it fit me perfectly. Like it was made for me. Which just made it even worse. I am sooo not made for this expensive clothing bullshit.

"SEE! Tell me you can't buy that now. Look at yourself!"

I wanted to cry. Why, oh, why must I be so broke. Stupid money. Stupid life.

"Listen to me. Put this other stuff you've got back. You have to buy it. You'll regret it if you don't."

The look she gave me was hard to explain. It was a combination of genuine admiration and.. pleading?

"You know what," I said, "you're right. I will regret it. And if I wait, it won't be here when I come back for it. I'm going to do it. I'll be angry with myself later, but oh well. I'm buying it."

 "Good girl!"

We shot the breeze for a little while longer while I continued to skim the racks. I wasn't really registering anything I was looking at. I was pretty much inside my own head at this point, trying to figure out how I was going to budget after this ridiculous purchase. Why am I so weak sometimes?

"Well, young lady, it was nice talking to you. I'm going to go pay for my things now. Enjoy your jacket!"

"Thanks. It was nice to meet you."

She walked away and up to the cash area. Just as she was finishing up her transaction and grabbing her bags, I got in line. She turned around before leaving, held her hand out to me and said, "I'm Carmen, by the way."
"Oh, I'm Elizabeth," I said, almost dropping everything on the floor as I tried to hold my arm out to her to shake her hand.

And then, as we shook, I felt something paper-like her hand. Oh god, please tell me she's not giving me her number or something. Look lady, you're gorgeous and nice and evrything, but I'm not exactly batting for that team.

She just smiled at me and said "It's nice to meet you, Elizabeth."

When she removed her hand from mine, I stupidly looked down at my hand, contemplating how to react appropriately without being rude. And then I saw it.

It wasn't a phone number, Elizabeth, you moron.
It was money.
Money? Yeah. Money.
A nice, crisp bill.

No.. I'm not taking money from a stranger. That's not right. I looked back up at her to try and reason with her, tell her I couldn't, in good conscience, take her money. "No, plea..." But she was already on her way out the door.

"You'll never forget me!" She said with a wave and the most wonderfully generous smile.

I just stood there: jaw on the floor; money in hand. I must have looked ridiculous.
When I finally came to, I turned to the boy at the cash register.
He had a giant smile on his face.

"Cash or debit?"

what i've learned after 1000 tweets.

I joined Twitter on July 22nd, 2009.

My first tweet was something about a World of Warcraft movie.

The first "person" I followed was the Globe and Mail.

The first day I started taking Twitter seriously --
was sometime in January of this year.

And now, in less than four months, I've reached tweet number 1000. And here I am, marking the occasion with a blog post.

 A year ago, if you would have asked me what I thought about tweeting and blogging and what the relevance of social media was, I probably would have said something along the lines of 'sitting at the computer for an extended period is a soul-sucking waste of time.'

My, my. How things change.

To the (unenlightened) me of one year ago, Twitter was a pointless website for people to tell other people, anywhere in the world, that they were eating a ham sandwich. What kind of relevant information could possibly be shared within 140 characters? Who takes this nonsense seriously? And WTF is a hashtag?!

To the me of today, of this very second, Twitter is the most efficient communication medium the internet has to offer, and it's transforming the world into an even closer-knit global community. Twitter has harnessed the efficiency of the internet, concentrated and simplified it, and it has revolutionized the way we communicate and share information.

And while it's still in it's infancy, the future prospects for Twitter are nothing short of astonishing.

And while my relationship with Twitter is also still very young, and even though my understanding of how Twitter works is only a skim off the surface, I've cultivated a deep respect for it and for social media as a whole. I've learned to embrace something I wouldn't have previously given the time of day, and I've learned pretty awesome things about myself. Like, the fact that people and businesses are using social media as a means of news and marketing absolutely fascinates me. It makes me feel like I'm participating in a revolution, a shift; the future of information sharing and branding and marketing and Oh. My. Goodness.

I am so incredibly glad to have finally jumped aboard the Twitter wagon.

I never thought I'd see the day when I'd admit that it makes me happy when someone new starts following me.

the quest for 10,000 pages.

When I worked at Chapters two years ago, it was nothing for me to read a new book every week. It was basically an occupational hazard. A customer would purchase a book with an intriguing cover; I'd spot a co-worker reading a neat looking book; or I'd just walk by a shelf, and a cover would catch my eye. Between these things, and feeling a need to be able to make a variety of book recommendations to customers and friends, my nose was constantly stuck in a book. And now I feel like I've been slacking in a major way. When I read,  my brain feels exercised. Since I haven't read anything substantial (the Twilight Saga does not count,) my brain literally feels like mush. I can almost feel it slowing down and tiring more easily. I'm 22. That is so not a good sign.

So, to remedy this mollification, I've created a quest for myself: read 10,000 pages by September 1st, 2010. Starting...NOW.

But I kind of need your help. I've been out of the game for too long, and I need some recommendations. And I'm down for anything. Fiction (fantasy, sci-fi, etc) and non-fiction (memoirs, biographies, anything related to the social sciences, etc) suggestions are all great.

I LOVE books about food and food culture (as you can see from the list I've already compiled for myself) so any recommendations similar to these are more than welcome.

What are YOU reading right now? / Which books are you planning to read this summer?
Tweet me your suggestions @ellebetz

Thanks! Happy bookworming!

look mom, i'm on youtube!

Remember a million years ago when I said I was about to make my YouTube debut?

Well,

it happened. And I'm mighty proud of my brotha-from-anotha-motha.
Mad editing skillz, broski. For reals.

Anywho, without further ado, here it is:

from mother, with love.

"You know what you need? You need to find something you love to do and something that will sustain a comfortable life for you. Find something online that you can do from home. What are you always doing on your laptop? Blogging? I'm sure you're good at that. Can you do that professionally? I think you should. I don't really understand all your Twitter and Facebook and Google and Blog talk, but I'm still listening. You've already found what you love, now you just need to make it work for you."

beer. punk rock. good people. nostalgia.

A faded 'PAID' stamp on my hand; a rockin' headache of epic proportions; a faint memory of screaming "JOHN MELOCHE IS SEXY!"

All indications of a great night. It seems like a lifetime ago that this kind of thing was a nightly occurrence for me. I'd almost forgotten what the allure of that scene was. Last night sent a rush of memory from my toes right up the very tip of my skull (making a special stop at my now damaged eardrums---thanks guys.) A hundred different faces, familiar and new. The same idea applied to the music. A lively crowd, complete with a moshpit, crowd surfers, and special appearances by the bands' front men. The devoted fans shouting along with the singers, reinforcing the social, political, and moral significance of the lyrics.

All of these elements made for one resounding and undying theme: unity. The sense of singularity and harmony was overwhelming, pasting a smile permanently across my face. Mavericks was the center of the universe last night.



Or maybe--six beer and three shots later--it was just a sauce-induced euphoria.

Either way, I was reminded of why I was so in love with this scene so long ago. There is a part of my heart, I think, that has always been reserved for all things studded, drunk, and grungy. And that piece was brought to the front and center last night.

I would thank everyone myself for an awesome time. But someone already said it best last night, and to try to top it would be an act of utter futility:



"Cheers to beers and queers." - Kyle Loverin

my favourite movie of all time has a first name, it's A-V-A-T-A-R

I love this time of year. Why?

It's OSCAR TIME!

The biggest night in movies and the film-geek's highlight of the year.  I also love this time of year because it makes it okay for me to be a cheeky film critic. SO! These are my Oscar predictions for tonight.

(Note: I'm only including predictions for the award categories that I care about. So. In your face, Mr. YouKnowWhoYouAre.)

Cinematography
“The Hurt Locker” Barry Ackroyd
DARK HORSE “The White Ribbon” Christian Berger



Visual Effects
“Avatar” Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones
DARK HORSE “District 9” Dan Kaufman, Peter Muyzers, Robert Habros and Matt Aitken


Music (Original Score)
“Up” Michael Giacchino
DARK HORSE “Sherlock Holmes” Hans Zimmer (because it's Hans Zimmer)


Writing (Original Screenplay)
SHOULD WIN “Inglourious Basterds” Written by Quentin Tarantino
WILL WIN “The Hurt Locker” Written by Mark Boal
DARK HORSE “A Serious Man” Written by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen (because it's the Coens' best movie since Fargo, don'tchyaknow.)


Animated Feature Film
“Up” Pete Docter
DARK HORSE “The Princess and the Frog” John Musker and Ron Clements


Actress in a Supporting Role
WILL WIN (boo) Mo’Nique in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
COULD WIN Maggie Gyllenhaal in “Crazy Heart”
DARK HORSE Anna Kendrick in “Up in the Air” (rooting for her.)


Actress in a Leading Role
WILL WIN Sandra Bullock in “The Blind Side”
COULD WIN (boo, again) Gabourey Sidibe in “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire”
COULD WIN Meryl Streep in “Julie & Julia”


Actor in a Supporting Role (I'm torn on this one. I love all of these actors, and I've especially developed an extra-soft spot for Christoph Waltz after watching his awkward-but-adorable acceptance speech at the SAG Awards.)
SHOULD WIN/YOU BETTER EFFING WIN Christoph Waltz in “Inglourious Basterds” (if only to see another awesome acceptance speech.)
COULD WIN Matt Damon in “Invictus”
COULD WIN Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station” (Actually haven't seen this film, but you can't expect anything less than an Oscar-worthy performance from Plummer.)
COULD WIN Stanley Tucci in “The Lovely Bones” (although this is a strange role to win an award for.)
DARK HORSE/WOULD BE AWESOME IF HE WON BUT HE WON'T Woody Harrelson in “The Messenger”


Actor in a Leading Role
WILL WIN Jeff Bridges in “Crazy Heart”
MIGHT WIN George Clooney in “Up in the Air”
DARK HORSE Jeremy Renner in “The Hurt Locker”


Directing
TOSS-UP “Avatar” James Cameron & “The Hurt Locker” Kathryn Bigelow
COULD WIN, BUT WON'T “Inglourious Basterds” Quentin Tarantino
MIGHT WIN, BUT BETTER NOT “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels


Best Picture
BETTER WIN “Avatar” James Cameron and Jon Landau, Producers
COULD WIN “The Blind Side” Gil Netter, Andrew A. Kosove and Broderick Johnson, Producers
IF IT WEREN'T FOR AVATAR “District 9” Peter Jackson and Carolynne Cunningham, Producers
MIGHT WIN “The Hurt Locker” Kathryn Bigelow, Mark Boal, Nicolas Chartier and Greg Shapiro, Producers
BETTER NOT WIN “Precious: Based on the Novel ‘Push’ by Sapphire” Lee Daniels, Sarah Siegel-Magness and Gary Magness, Producers
TIED FOR DARK HORSE “Up in the Air” Daniel Dubiecki, Ivan Reitman and Jason Reitman, Producers & “Inglourious Basterds” Lawrence Bender, Producer

images from http://oscars.go.com

the anatomy of a good day.

I went to work with sex hair today.

Not a typo. You know that wacky hairpie you get after an intense love-making session? Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. 

It was just one of those mornings. I--very reluctantly--woke up at 6:30am this morning (ick, I know,) seriously considering calling in sick (okay, fine--tired.) But then I came to my senses and decided that it wasn't worth the lost income. 

So, I stumbled to the bathroom and took a shower. Usually after a shower, I'm wide awake and ready for the day. This morning, this was not the case. I went back to bed, with the intention of resting my eyes for 15 minutes or so. My better half had other ideas. (We don't refer to them as our 'better half' without reason, you know.)

Enter: sex hair. Obviously I was running late, so I slapped some makeup on and rushed to work, sans Tim Horton's. NOT cool. All the morning sex in the world couldn't make up for a morning at work without coffee.

....okay, that's a giant lie. But coffee is pretty much an essential for me. Even though I was feeling unusually chipper, preparing myself for a caffeine-free morning kind of put a damper on things. 

Hubby to the rescue again!

A good man would never let his woman suffer the strife of early mornings without coffee. So it goes. 

Not only was I lucky enough to have his beautiful self deliver me a coffee, but because it's 'Rrrroll Up the Rrrrim' time, I won a free donut. 

Fucking. Score.

A free donut, to which I treated myself after a hard day of work. 

This is the anatomy of a good day.

somewhere in the world, a tree-hugger is sobbing inconsolably

because of me.

I spent eight and a half hours tossing 11 years worth of invoices into the trash. Yes, the trash. To be burned. Not recycled. BURNED. There was a part of me that wanted to start laughing wickedly, like an evil tyrant CEO dumping radioactive waste into the ocean and watching all of the aquatic life shriek and die. Really. That's actually how I felt.

As I stared at my massive pile of dead and shredded trees, I began to consider how I could incorporate this into my blog. How could I morph this into a social commentary about how suburban businesses are impassive with with their waste management policies? Environmentally unfriendly, if you will. If the incredulous looks I received when I asked if there was an alternative to just burning all of the wasted paper (i.e. recycling it,) were any indication, I'd say that the term 'impassivity' doesn't quite constitute what's happening out here in the boons. It's probably something more along the lines of... apathy. And perhaps a touch of being misinformed.

I really don't want to sound patronizing or anything, but it's that generation. Only granola-munching, natural-fiber-wearing hippies recycle. At least that's what my grandparents and the rest of their entire generation (and most of the generation directly proceeding them) would have you believe. Okay, so that's a gross generalization. But I'm angered, and it's much easier to point your finger at a group of people rather than sift out the problem individuals. Individuals  who cite cost as the reasoning behind their businesses not being more "green friendly." That's understandable, I guess. But, as these things often do, this has inspired me. I've given myself a new mission at work to discover a way around this. I've designated myself Chief of Green Affairs, Rescuer of Old and Used Paper Products and Enforcer of the Three R's. I started this mission by creating approximately and hour and a half's worth of extra work for myself by going through every single old file, removing the contents, and keeping the actual file folder. This, instead of just dumping the entire box of folders onto the trash pile.

This is my new mission. Paper cuts will happen. Trees will be saved.

i'd like to thank the Academy.

Giiiiive me a break.
You 'Google Alert'ed yourself? HAHAHAHA! I don't care how many times you've been on Fox News. That's just... actually, the correct adjective escapes me at the moment, but I'll get back to you on that one. Promise.

But seriously. Thanks for the exposure, Mr. Snell. Really.
And thank you, John Welch, for... for... wow, for being twittrigger-happy for that better part of an hour. While you continued on with your unintended promotion--free of cost, (hey, the best PR is the kind you don't have to pay for) I just kind of sat there, peppermint tea in hand, jaw on the floor. I'm a little ashamed in retrospect that I couldn't come up with something more to say than "easy, tiger." But really.

He spent minute after minute, tweet after tweet, hammering home the notion that I'm nothing more than a... oh, hold on. There were a number of handles he gave me, and they were all too great to leave out:

PRECIOUS!
FEARLESS!
COURAGEOUS!

Wait, it gets better..

STUPID!
DUMB!
DUMBER!
RETARDED MAYFLY!
NEW MEDIA DOUCHEBAG! (My personal favourite)

Also, apparently all of my "little friends" and I have "the attention span of a fly in a puddle of Redbull."

And the award goes to Mr. Welch for Most Original Insults This Side of the Interwebz...lolwut.

Honestly though, retarded mayfly? All the cough syrup in the world couldn't inspire my brain to think that one up. Nice work. I can only assume that kind of genius is the product of the generation of kids who grew up with lead paint on the bars of their cribs.

In all seriousness, I need to make some clarifications for those of you who went rabid when I said the iPad was useless piece of technology. Maybe that was a little vague. What I should have said is that the iPad is an irrelevant, unimaginative piece of technology. Yeah, that's what I mean. Which, you know, some could argue renders it useless in today's market for fancy gadgets.

And just for the sake of flogging yet another dead horse, the 13" TV : 30" TV ::  iPod Touch : iPad. I get the oversimplified analogy, ok? But that's just the problem. It's oversimplified to the point that it's a terrible analogy. Bigger screens / more pixels alone does not make for a more innovative or useful product. It's the guts that give something like a tablet more capabilities. Like, saayyy... multitasking, for instance. Just saying.

Anyways, I've ridden this horse as far into the sunset as I care to. She's on her last legs, and my pizza pocket is getting cold.

Cheers, nerds.

UPDATE: the adjective is 'lllllllame.'

squabbles in 140 characters or less.

Or 'micro-squabbling.' Whatever the correct name for it is, arguments in the Twitterverse are hilarious. Not only are they more personal than they were in the good old days of HTML chats (re: help, I broke my 'refresh' button) but they're damn well efficient. Anyone who can argue quickly and effectively within 140 characters or less gets a big fat gold star in my books. Even if your name is Jason Snell. Aaanndd.. even if you're a bit of a wimp. It's okay. You're a Mac enthusiast. I get it. Shh, shh, it's going to be all right.

Once upon a time, in the land of the Twits, a middle-aged editor retweeted something that only an Mac enthusiast would believe actually proved something:

saying an iPad is "just a big iPod Touch" is like saying a 30" monitor is "just a big 13" monitor"

I'll personally pay anyone $100 right now if they can make that statement make anything close to coherrent sense.

So, being the Apple misanthropist that I am, I replied to this retweet, saying:

uh...? epic fail on trying to effectively prove a point.

Not expecting anything in reply, I was delighted when my 'mention' was noticed and even more pleased with the ensuing ruckus I'd caused.

If you meant your use of the hackneyed "epic fail," uh, yeah.

High five, Mr. Snell. Funny yet subtly insulting, and even up to date with current internet lingo trends. Ku-fucking-dos, my friend.

I could have left it at that, but it would have made for a shitty story later on. So I countered:

no, i meant your sad attempt at defending a useless piece of technology by using ridiculously bogus comparisons. but nice try.

To which he replied:

I don't know if the iPad is a good product or not, but if you have already decided that it sucks, can you at least not be rude about it?

And replied again:

That last tweet was for the rude Canadian who has decided the iPad is "a useless piece of technology" and I should never suggest otherwise.

And again:

I know, a rude Canadian. I'm as shocked as you are.

I guess he thought he'd recognize his own oxymoron before I did.

He went on for another hour or so, bouncing between a bunch of pissed off Canadian tweeters, and more than a few asshole Americans pounding their chests like frat boys in agreement, and even defending himself against a few intelligent tweeters who agreed with me. In my own defense, I was (and still am, thank you very much) probably one of his only Mac-hating followers -- there is method to my madness, I swear.

AND for the record, his whole bit about "I'm not allowed to suggest otherwise," implying that I don't think anyone who likes the iPad should be able to voice their opinions as to why they do... that's not what I was implying at all.

Rule Numero Uno: If you want to defend something like the iPad, you best be making at least a remotely convincing argument for it. You know, one that actually makes a shred of sense. Por favor.

Sigh.
Alas, my fifteen minutes has come and gone. My claim to fame for now is that Jason Snell, renowned editor of Macworld, thinks I'm a "rude Canadian."

Cool.

I think he's a pretentious Apple-store turd,
but I'll get over it.

As for the aforementioned gold star... He still gets one. For now.

toronto: the world meets here.

Here’s what I know for sure:

I’m with him.
I’m staying with him,
and we're going to Toronto.
Together.

I’ve done the big city thing, albeit on a much smaller scale by all comparisons. But my experiences from the city of Ottawa have to count for something, right? There are a lot of people and a plethora of job opportunities in Ottawa. Sort of. I used to love that city. I suppose I should thank my mommy-friend for taking the piss out of that one.

During a two hour MSN conversation, she pitched to me the idea of living in the big, bad city of Toronto. Really, it took her all of 3 seconds to convince me to jump the small town ship and hightail it to TO (the rest of the two hours were spent plotting our subsequent take-over of the city. But not really.)

A ton of career opportunities, an even huger ton of organized recreational events, and a vast spectrum of people and cultures; these reasons equal reason enough.

So I repitched it to him. I don't even know how he could still manage to surprise me with his eagerness and willingness to do anything and everything. He was on board almost instantly, like nothing, while I tried not to spontaneously combust with happiness.

Of course there'll be the adjustment to unfamiliarity, and the reworking of my entire life, but I’m so ready for this that I could scream. This is what I’ve been going insane for the past two years for. Apparently good things do come to those who wait.

Good things: i.e., blowing this popsicle stand with the love of my life and my little munchkin, to the global city we call Toronto;
the city we'll call home.

debut

Yesterday was wicked. Anytime a Boudreau and a Cooke get together, there's bound to be trouble.
Never mind the endless streams of "your mom" and "that's what she said" jokes; and the inevitable onslaught of pure, unadulterated ownage that will go down via the Xbox 360. No, no. There's a whole other realm of possibility just aching to break free and run rampant.

Yesterday, I discovered two things: three months is too long to go without seeing your best friend; and, well, I love making movies.

No need to adjust your screen or clean your eyeglass lenses. You read that last bit correctly. I’ll soon be making my YouTube debut in the form a short film entitled, "Cocaine in the Propane."

*cue applause*

Won't mother be proud.

So, here's the plot: two friends (one of which has a cocaine addicted brother) decide that intervention time has arrived, and things quickly get out of hand.

Think Mia Wallace meets Bruce Campbell.
On crack.
And hungover.
Yeah, that about sums it up.

And if you think you'll enjoy that melting pot of cinematic awesomeness, then you'll love the bloopers reel. Come on, you get an eight-minute short from 44 minutes of footage, and you're bound to have some pretty fabulous outtakes. Although most of the bloopers were more the "oops, I forgot to pause the recording" type... which kind of gives the viewer a genuine fly-on-the-wall experience. Still hilarious.

Alas, my creative abilities with a video camera, both in front and behind (that's what she said) will soon be published for the entire world to see.
I’ll be pleased if we break 100 views...
ha. Haha... Ugh.

revelation

I told my best friend that all I needed to jumpstart my motivation was to have a random stranger walk up to me, unannounced, and tell me exactly where I’m supposed to be going.

"Why a stranger?"

A messenger of fate; unbiased and pure; a perfect stranger. Not someone to carry me across the finish line but to just point me in the right direction.

He thought it was odd that I’d desired the opinion of an unknown person in matters such as my future. He said, "maybe you'd need a touch of bias in that kind of advice; someone who has your best interests in mind and not just an aimless talking head."

He was right.

And that's when it struck me, so subtly, I nearly missed it: this emissary had already arrived.

I’ve already got my perfect stranger.

absolute

it matters not where you've been.
care not where you've come from.
all that matters,
from here on in,
is where you're headed.
and the future looks peaceful.

cards down and guns drawn

this is it;
my declaration.
to live fearlessly , to love intensely. to shake the foundation and turn the volume up. way up.
to dive in head first with utter disregard for consequences. to live genuinely; voluntarily and willing. to jump at every opportunity, no questions asked.
to embrace every moment.

beholden to him
for appointing me
his one and only.